My spectrum of thoughts

Posts tagged ‘Life’

This day, That year…

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I have been wanting to write from a long time, ever since my last post I’ve been wanting that silence and peace more than ever… I guess it took me a long time to realize where to find it… 

3rd January, 2010:


My Facebook status said, 
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference.” 

You know, I must have read this somewhere.But the moment I read it, I knew I wanted this to be true. I meant it every word when I reread it again and again. And it must be one of those moments, when He grants you what you ask for. It was my good fortune that I ran into the right comrades without whom my journey the last year would not have brought me where I stand now, for they were the ones who guided & assisted me, showed their faith in me, laughed & danced during the light moods, lent me a shoulder during the ‘not so’ light ones. 

Comrades new and comrades old, The old ones never seemed to get weary of me. They’d been with me in those times when Vivek Todi was not exactly the same as you see today. And the new ones? They were and still are those who help me help myself stay insanely sane and stable through everything this year has shown me. 

This year I also learnt that I can forget those close friends whom I don’t want to like anymore, And I must confess I do not remember any valid reason for not liking them anymore other than the fact that I do not like them anymore. I have been successful enough in staying away from unfriendly, unwanted & selfish associations I had been trying to get out of. And this itself was my first step in learning to difference between the good and the bad. I began to calculate.

It’s not that I’ve been always very calculative about my associations, mind you I do not speak of my relations over here only associations! I believe relations are far above than petty calculations. Speaking in terms of business logic, a relation is a business where you simply enjoy the transaction without worrying about the profit or loss.  As for associations, I’ve been calculative about them this year. 

But the real achievement wasn’t about becoming calculative, the achievement was learning when to stop these calculations. Things change when time passes by, associations turn into needs, passions and commitments to die for. And that’s where it all stops, all the calculations come to an end. 

It’s like knowing when you’ve fallen in love… And then you know where to steer…

A promise to her…

I promise u… After I finish writing this, I’ll try n smile… I’ll still try to make my life worthy of living and smiling… Though that tear shall always remain in the deepest corner of my eye… My smile shall never fade… If you ask me to forget you… I’ll ask you why should I… You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me, nothing can take that place… Memories of our good times and of our bad ones too… I’ll cherish them forever… The moments we laughed, The moments we shed tears, The ones when we fought and swore never to see each other’s face ever again… And after that? The moments we spent in our arms… How can I let go of them? No I cannot… I promise you that I’ll walk with the same stride I always have… With the same fire inside me to conquer the world…

I don’t want to stop writing this to you… I really don’t want to, cuz after I finish writing this… I’ll have to stop these tears and smile honestly… They feel so good after a long time… I really find it hard to smile, But I will… I promise you… I will always love u and somewhere deep within me I’ll be the same person you really loved…

Woes of a homesick extrovert…

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Back then when I was at home… I always questioned why my buddies changed so much after staying away from home for a long time… Now I realize what it feels like to stay away from… One can call it the aftereffects of Homesickness, But I prefer it calling realization of values…

And this realization is important…

Realizing How much you actually loved your mom’s handmade food… Or simply those long talks you had with your father while dinner…
Besides my parents, the other person I miss is my sweetheart kiddo Nicole… Some days back when mom told me she wasn’t well… I found myself dreaming about her in sleep and waking up to find dried tears and swollen eyes… There are countless such moments when I find myself thinking bothered n frustrated only cuz I didn’t have talk with mom or dad that day…

And It’s not just the emotional realization… I’m beginning to realize why is it so important to wait for a bus for 10 mins rather than taking a taxi… And why should I be bothered about food when the sky seems to turn dark… Why is it so important to wash your clothes almost daily, or atleast keep them orderly till the end of the week…

It also explains the reason why I’ve suddenly begun ‘Facebooking’ so much… Come on! I need someone to talk to right? You think someone like me can sit and study quietly?? >:)

Sailaab sa aa gira hai…

Aansuon ko tum bhi toh apne chupa rahe ho,
Jaante hain hum… dil hi dil me roye jaa rahe ho…
Sailaab sa aa gira hai rishtey me hamare,
Par baahar se dekho kaise muskura rahe ho…

Gungunana chahte ho us lamhe ko phir se,
Par khud hi lamhe ko bhula rahe ho…
Khud se hi nazrein chura kar,
Haal-e-dil khud hi ko suna rahe ho…
Sailaab sa aa gira hai rishtey me hamare,
Par dekho kaise ab bhi muskura rahe ho…

Jaante ho na jee paaoge hum bin,
Khud hi se kyun ye sach chipa rahe ho…
Mehfus nahi rahe sapne humhare,
Kaise ye duniya se jhutla rahe ho…
Sailaab sa aa gira hai rishtey me hamare,
Magar dekho kaise ab bhi muskura rahe ho…

Un lamhon ko sanjoye rakha hai aaj bhi,
Magar dil ke armaan daba rahe ho…
Har raaste se humare kareeb aana chahte ho,
Dekho kaise humse door jaa rahe ho…
Sailaab aa gira hai rishtey me hamare,
Par baahar se dekho kaise muskura rahe ho…

Kyun ye dooriyan bana rahe ho humse,
aur phir bhi humari fariyaad kiye jaa rahe ho…
Humsafar ho tum is safar me humare,
toh kyun is gum ko tanhai me peeye jaa rahe ho…

Is sailaab me sirf saath tumhara chahte hain hum,
Bus in haathon me tumhara haath chahte hain hum…
Kyun is sailaab me khud hi doobe jaa rahe ho,
Kyun apne hi haathon katl-e-aam ek nahi, Do do kiye jaa rahe ho…

Don’t stop yourself!

Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.

There’s a difference between you and me… You look for opportunities… I make my own…

Smiles don’t seem far away once you make the right decisions and start working on them…

Life gives you all the options available… You choose the right one @ the right moment… Else let it choose one for you!

Ehsaas hota kash tujhe… Aye Dost…

Shayar ki jaan uski shayari me hoti hai,
Dost tujh par aaj ek sher nisaar karta hoon…

Kash tujhe ehsaas hota,
Teri dosti se kitna pyar karta hoon…

Mehfil ki talaash me bhatak jaata hoon toh,
Tere hi sahare ka intezaar karta hoon…

Bhid bhari duniya me tanha paata hoon khud ko toh,
Tere hi saath ka deedar karta hoon…

Kash tujhe ehsaas hota,
Teri dosti se kitna pyar karta hoon…

Aitbar karta hoon Teri dosti ka,
Aaj khule aam tujhse yeh izhaar karta hoon…

Kash tujhe ehsaas hota mere dost!
Teri dosti se kitna pyar karta hoon…

Destroying myself

Consumed by a stroke of anger, hatred & anguish… I see myself destroying every pleasant memory I’ve had of the beautiful thing ever happened to me… I guess this is it… The end is not far… Everything comes to an end someday… The happy days are over…


Nothing makes sense at the moment… After all these years when someone fails to understand some constraints of life… It hurts… And yet we are the ones to be blamed… Tagged as unaffectionate… uncaring… and most of all… Tagged as a nasty opportunist!!! Oh yes! Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts and beliefs… But I simply cannot take em anymore…
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